50 First Meeps
by UnstableUniverses
Summary: Alanna from the Toronto Sun goes on a date with who she believes is the muppet of her dreams. But maybe her dreams aren't as perfect as they seemed. Written for the Unstable Universes podcast.


"Thank you for agreeing to speak with me, Dr. Honeydew. I know you must be busy with the release coming up so soon," Alanna said, voice recorder at the ready.

"Oh, well, yes, quite busy actually. So you'll actually be speaking to my assistant this afternoon," the melon-headed scientist replied, shuffling away. "He's ready and waiting for you in the break room."

Disappointed, but not overly surprised, the young, sweaty, half-Filipino journalist made her way through Muppet Labs and found the break room shortly. She fumbled with her voice recorder, trying to turn it back on, as she stepped into the small, poorly lit kitchenette.

"Hi there, thanks for giving me a couple minutes of your time," she said, finally managing to get the small device recording again, she looked up to see the Muppet she was supposed to interview and she stopped dead in her tracks.

He sat at the small round table looking up at her with his big, round, bulging eyes. A shock of bright orange hair sat crazed on top of his narrow head. His mouth was agape and unmoving. The orange tint of his flawless felt skin seemed to glow in the dank fluorescent light like a leftover glow stick on the dancefloor of a rave the next morning. He was the most gorgeous man Alanna had ever seen.

"I'm… Alanna, with the Toronto Sun," she stammered, barely managing to contain her drool. "I… just have a few questions about the release of Muppet Labs' new product, the Gorilla Detector, Doctor… Um, sorry, I didn't catch your name?"

"Meep," the Muppet replied. His squeaky voice was intoxicating to Alanna's ears. She wasn't sure she'd make it through the interview judging by how absolutely love drunk she was on this orange stud.

"Okay Mr. Beaker, nice to meet you too," She twirled her hair between her fingers. "Well, if you don't mind, how about we begin?"

She walked out of Muppet Labs, her knees still weak. As soon as she was out the front doors, she took her phone out of her pocket and dialed her best friend and confidant, Evan. He picked up after a single ring, he was never doing anything important.

"Hey, Evan. I just met this new guy… I think he's the one!"

"Oh really, what about the last guy? I thought it was going pretty well with him," Evan replied.

"Luke? He decided he loved improv more than me and got engaged to his late night talk show," she replied as she hopped on a street car.

"So tell me about him. Where did you meet Mr. Perfect?"

"I met him through work. You know, that Muppet Labs interview I had? He gave me his number in case I had any follow up questions. Do you think it's too soon to call him?"

Alanna heard Evan laugh through the phone. "Oh please, go for it. What's the worst that can happen?"

"I guess you're right. I'm going to go for it," she responded confidently. "I'll talk to you later."

She hung up and slowly began to dial the newest number saved in her phone. Sweat beaded at her forehead as it rang once, twice, three times. Then the sound of the other end picking up. Alanna's voice caught in her throat and for a moment there was silence.

"…Meep?" came a confused voice from the speaker. The now familiar voice soothed her anxiety and gave her the courage to speak.

"Beaker? It's Alanna… From the interview. What are you doing tonight?"

The restaurant Beaker had chosen was far nicer than any place Alanna had been on previous dates. The bistro was small and swanky. When she arrived, he was waiting for her at a table near the front window, a glass of wine poured for each of them.

He got up and pulled out the chair for her, gesturing to it with a soft "Meep."

"Oh, thank you, Beaker. Such a gentleman. And strawberry Girls Night Out! How did you know that was my favourite?" She was impressed with just how suave he was. As enamored as she had become on their first meeting, she'd never imagined he could actually be this amazing.

The Muppet sat back down across from her and picked up his wine glass, tilting it in her direction. "Meep?"

"Of course, I never turn down a toast," Alanna said, picking up her own. They clinked glasses and each took a drink.

Alanna took her time scanning the menu, but when she glanced up she noticed Beaker was looking at her adoringly.

"So do you know what you want?" She asked, trying to hide her blushing cheeks behind the menu.

"Meep meep," came the shrill reply from across the table. She felt a fabric hand brush her own softly. Beaker got up once again, taking her hand in his. He led her away from the dining room, back toward the kitchen. Alanna's heart raced as she followed behind the confident Muppet.

"I don't think we're supposed to go back here, Beaker," she whispered.

"Meep," he whispered back.

The Muppet led the girl deeper into the restaurant, and into the bustling kitchen. He tried to pull her further, but she stopped in awe. Time seemed to slow as she noticed the Muppet that must be the head chef. His mustache and eyebrows rippled in the steam coming off of a boiling soup. He bent to take a sip from his ladle, the Muppet's lips were so voluptuous and perfect. She imagined the tender kisses they could share, and with that she pulled her hand from out of Beaker's.

"Beaker? It's over… I found someone new," Alanna said in an infatuated daze.

She slowly drifted in the chef's direction. He finally noticed her in return. She was intoxicated with the very idea of him, and she felt an awakening in the pit of her belly.

"Bork bork!" the chef said.

"I… I love you too."


End file.
